8 Nov: "Legs" by Mark Halliday

In the last year of my marriage,
among a hundred other symptoms I wrote a poem called
"The Woman across the Shaft"—she was someone
I never met—she had long bare legs
on a summer night when she answered the phone
in her kitchen and lifted her legs to the table
while she talked and laughed and I tried to listen
from my window across an airshaft between buildings
and watched her legs. I doubt she was beautiful
but her legs were young and long
and she laughed on the phone

while I sat in my dark of dissolving faith

and I tried to capture or contain the unknown woman
in a poem: the real and the ideal,
the mess of frayed bonds versus untouched possibility,
so forth. Embarrassed now
I imagine a female editor
who received "The Woman across the Shaft"
as a submission to her magazine—the distaste she felt—
perhaps disgust she felt—I imagine her
grimacing slightly as she considers writing "Pathetic"
on the rejection slip but instead lets the slip stay blank
and then returns to another envelope
from a writer she has learned to trust,
crossing her long legs on her smart literary desk.

11 comments:

  1. I like the awareness of "the real and the ideal". He sounds like an older man.

    "I doubt she was beautiful" and yet had the most amazing legs. This made me laugh. As if he has always assessed that a woman possesses and possesses not just like everyone else. Either beautiful or sexy, but not both...of course not both :). His wife must be beautiful...

    Is the divorce due to sexual tension? It doesn't sound as if he is all the way lusting for the women across the shaft, just now aware of other possibilities.

    I don't understand his embarrassment by the editor?

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    1. His embarrassment is for the poem he sent. We didn't read that poem. We read the poem written later in the narrator's life. I agree probably an older man.

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    2. Wouldn't that idea make for a neat book? I have always enjoyed those books that write the same scenario from different perspectives....the poem writer and then the poem receiver. I wish it existed to read.

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    3. "If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, you must be the one to write it." Toni Morrison

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  2. Comments from February 2016
    Cool frame. Making fun of himself, yet expressing his dark of dissolving faith. What a sad outlook

    The real woman vs the ideal woman. The mess of frayed bonds versus the untouched possibility. The real woman (people) are worn and have their issues and experiences like everyone else. But the ideal woman that we see in the unknown people has all the potential to be everything we want. I think we see what we want to see in people we are attracted to. I have at least. Selection bias and confirmation bias and the law of close enough. We ignore things and focus on what we want the person to be. And on top of that people are trying to attract each other. Have fun meeting people and dating. Nothing/no one will be perfect. Move on when it is time and try to be open and honest.

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    1. I still read it as I did in February. We place our expectations and desires on who we want people to be. Leading to let down, divorce, and failed relationships.

      I also think he is editing himself now. How pathetic he was then, and is wiser now.

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    2. So how do we eventually come to an understanding? Learn that an "ideal" relationship both reflects our values and challenges us? That weaknesses are some of the best areas for an excuse for growth. Hoe do we finally accept this process of love? It is a human acceptance.

      In my personal history it seemed that a lot of understandings came not at all and then all at once. Jared was the most unreasonable person for me to fall in love with at the time and yet as he pried the patience out of my stubborn body I found myself falling more in love with and understanding animals better, my training clients became easier to help, and I found a more genuine interest in my family's lives on the mainland. He helped me learn how to love....everything. As I accepted the weaknesses in human nature people became easier to understand. But.....how did he do that? Why him? Why then? In your description you mentioned that we place our desires on who we want people to be? In my eyes I feel like when I met him I wanted him to want to fly around the world with me....be crazy...make a living on absolutely nothing, and yet he has literally shaped my residence here on the island into a patience I have never yet known. And, of course, I have helped shape and grow his travel bug. So I just don't get it yet. I have felt this change in the last four years but still can't nail it down. Can you?

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    3. It sounds like you are growing and learning a lot, both of you. That's what life is all about. Living, learning, living, the cycle continues.

      So at first you expected nothing from Jared. Now you have what seems like a successful relationship where you both compromise. I would say there are too many factors to nail it. Your human nature break through was probably a game changer, but how many ideas contributed to that enlightenment? Do you ever wonder how much wiser you will be in another 5, 12, or 30 years??? I do think the wisdom that comes from knowledge and experience can do a lot to a person; it did for me.

      Once in Africa, I decided to reflect on my life and deicide how I got to that position. It ended up getting very complex very quickly until a page in my journal was crammed and incomplete.

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  3. Definitely, non-expectation seems to be one of the key factors in maintaining any relationship. After being a personal trainer for so long, this has been one of the hardest things for me to do with people. I live to see and uncover talent and potential (I assume you can rapidly relate being in your teaching position!). Its an energy that I love to feel. The start, the potential, the continual strife for 'making each day a masterpiece'. I suppose it is largely how I live my life each day. (side note: working on actually minimalizing a lot of the things that I focus on to strain out the energies that feel the absolute best..more on this I suppose as I learn more).
    But...when the expectations we hold for ourselves (which, apparently is not a very enlightening thing to do...-note: change expectation to presence), become expectations or maybe visions for others it becomes quite the deep hold to get out of. Even if they say, "I really see myself doing_____." and you help them, its CAW, kaput. Nobody can really do anything but for themselves. Inspirations come and go, people that used to inspire us don't anymore...because it all seems to be inside the self. A lot of the yoga texts explain how the steps to our internal enlightenment really are steps. Our awareness grows with them. We don't see the same as we used to and we will see very different in years to come. It humors me to think about where all of the people we interact with are on their journey. Everybody is all over the place!!! How on earth do we ever communicate with everybody else? I swear some of the locals here haven't read a book in their whole lives while others feel like they were born babies of the ocean- connected and whole and pure and wise beyond years. How does this happen? The ideas of karma are seemingly so fascinating. We are born of energy that came from somewhere...connected to our mothers by our fathers that also came from somewhere. The intertwining of energies old and young and from here and there and wise and unwise are just mind blowing. Old souls, young souls...when you look at life in that circle it makes driving in work traffic so much easier because all of the idiots that put other people and themselves in danger are just in their first lives...we hope energy progresses..
    But man, what if energy is not moving toward a more enlightened state? What if there will always be older energies and newer energies...energies not formed at the same time...then there is no hope for idiots. Darn. I like to think there is.

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