I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it—
A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot
A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.
Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?—
The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.
Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me
And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.
This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.
What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see
Them unwrap me hand and foot—
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies
These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,
Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.
The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut
As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I’ve a call.
It’s easy enough to do it in a cell.
It’s easy enough to do it and stay put.
It’s the theatrical
Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:
‘A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge
For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart—
It really goes.
And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood
Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.
I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, ash—
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there--
A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.
Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
By Sylvia Plath, 23-29 October 1962
This is probably the most dark of the poetry of hers I have read while getting to the root of her obsessions with death, dying and attempts...visions everywhere of each possibility. It is so hard to read some of these lines...its like she wanted the world to know how her mind worked without asking for any help at all. She committed suicide in February of 1963- just 4 short months after this poem was written after multiple previous attempts. She states in this poem that "dying is like an art" but it's almost as if it were the idea of dying instead, the process, that entwined her so since after multiple attempts...she kept allowing life. They say that Plath's writing and clinical depression paved the way for many others...it makes me feel the differences between sympathy and empathy. I get so mad at a majority of her comments, provoked...because you don't see room for any hope. It's amazing to see someone use their writing skills for such work versus other poets who find their motives upon a more positive and life-changing course...hers was a death-changing course. I wonder if reading her work would really help other people with clinical depression?
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